It is absolutely amazing how we adapt ourselves to social norms and how they change so drastically as we move through the different phases of our lives. 17 years ago I got married because I had to. No one asked me if I really wanted to, or if I had thought this whole thing through, or if it was indeed the right thing for me to do. For most, it was the natural progression of life. You get to a certain age and you get married. Then, before you get to a certain age, you have a child. But wait, one is not enough. That child needs company, so you hurry up and have another so that there isn’t a huge age gap between the siblings and you hope they will grow up as best buddies and all your troubles will be over. No one asks you if you really want a child or if it is indeed the right choice for you. No one shows concern when you get pregnant the second time about whether the kids will indeed get along. What if they make your life a living hell? Again, just our natural way of following norms and living our lives that seem to be in par with everyone around us.

So, what happens when you follow those same norms on your own terms?
You notice how quickly people around you react drastically different to similar situations.

Are you sure you want to get married?
Shouldn’t you wait it out a bit more?
You are so social and he’s not, how will that work?
Are you sure the kids will get along?
What if they don’t?
Have you thought this through?

Oh, the irony!

It took me a long while to be able to shed my inhibitions and follow my heart. To do things that brought me simple joy, live for myself, and not be led to feel guilty for putting myself first. Through all my hardships I realized, catering to myself was the only way I could cater to others. There were so many who tried really hard to make me believe I was ruining my child’s life by carving out my own life-path. Of all the battles and stigma I have fought in my life, this was by far the hardest. And once I overcame that, life was not only beautiful, but simple. From thereon, there was no going back.

My next chapter in life is based on simplicity and love. In those two ways, me and my now husband are very similar.

From the time we met till now, “a whirlwind romance” as described by many, with all of the imperfections of blending families, we knew two things. We loved each other and wanted to continue to be who we are, together. It was as simple and real as that. And simple is beautiful. As was our wedding, with my flabby tummy with all its stretch marks that my beautiful daughter gifted me so unconditionally popping out of my beautiful wedding dress (it did take a while to get over that one), with us arguing about the kids and them driving us insane the night before the wedding, with my not-so-social now-husband staying up till the wee hours and hanging out with friends, with the wind screwing up almost everyone’s photos with hair covered faces, was the most imperfectly perfect way of coming together.

That being said, my answer to all those questions you had for me when as a mom at almost 40 I decided to marry the love of my life is, “this wedding is truly my first. It is everything I had ever dreamed of as a little girl of how love should be (read: husband cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and serving me wine in the evenings). I don’t know or care what the future holds. I want to live every day and every moment soaking in the love showered on me like I’ve never had before. I want to overcome hurdles together. I want us to take as many beach vacations as possible (does not always have to be together). As for the kids, they will figure it out, they kinda have to, right? We all did. Simple.

When you get remarried at 40 39:

1. You tend to forget your body is no longer like it was in your 20’s and absolutely nothing you wear can make you look like the movie stars modeling outrageously priced outfits in magazines and online stores.
2. You realize designers don’t make clothes for your size or body type anymore, no matter how many designer outfits you pin to that damned Pinterest board.
3. Talking about Pinterest – absolutely nothing comes to fruition from your “wedding board” you had so enthusiastically started out with.
4. Your biggest fear is that your guests will be better dressed than you.
5. Weddings look better in Bollywood films and Facebook posts.
6. Everyone keeps telling you how happy you finally look, like you were some sort of  advertisement for Xanax this whole time.
7. People don’t realize the “glow” they see in you is in reality from gaining weight and not just being in love.
8. All those people who didn’t care much about you and/or engaged in a whole bunch of gossip are all of a sudden offended for not being invited to the wedding.
9. Your friends are more excited with your wedding than you are, because they feel the next wedding they will get to attend is that of their kids, in about 15 more years.
10. You tell vendors it is just a “small party” so you can be cheap and not pay “wedding party” prices.
11. You are almost ready to pass out from sticker shock and tell yourself you should have just listened to your fiancé in the first place and eloped.
12. Just that eloping with kids makes it feel like way more work than throwing a party for a hundred.
13. For the first time ever, desi parents ask you if you are absolutely sure you want to get married.
14. So much shit happens all around you with kids, work, friends, and life in general, that you go back to thinking eloping thoughts again.
15. But then you receive a card from your daughter, a hand-written poem from your childhood best friend, a blast-from-the-past gift from your cousins, snuggles from your stepson, so much love and care from your partner, and most importantly three cases of margaritas from your co-worker, and you are reminded instantly what all this is truly about.

So, let the countdown begin…