I know you were waiting with baited breath for this post on valentines day. 🙂
I am truly blessed to have so much love around me. Which is why, going online and trying to “find” love seems like a moot point. But I did it anyways, thanks to some of my much loved friends. But I have to say, it opened up this whole other world that I did not know existed. Ridiculously funny and entertaining. Now I am a firm believer that everyone should try it out once in their lifetime. Definitely not for finding love purposes, but for purely entertainment purposes. Since I am in the mood for sharing love today, I will let you in on some of the entertainment, minus the subscription fees.
Here are a few things that make online dating worth your while:
- Screen names. There are some fabulous ones out there such as Daddycoolio, Making Money 95205, MrKissKiss73818C, RayRaymundoLOVE, RingDog3. Seriously, who would not want to date these men. Oh, and then there was one that was Amysneighbor. Who the hell is Amy and why would I want to date her neighbor? Amy, you better watch out. You not only have a creepy neighbor but you are also on an online dating site by association and people like me want to know more about you.
- Photos. I don’t even know where to begin.This actually needs a sub-category.
- The shirtless, showing off your ab selfies in front of the bathroom mirror. Note: please try to clean up the mess before you try to take a selfie in your bathroom – thank you! And you really don’t look that great shirtless.
- Just the plain ‘ol terrible selfies. Guys are yet to master the art and maybe should use a selfie stick.
- The travel photos that include photos of beaches and sailboats and the occasional in Hawaii for a conference photo. The last one is still fine. It gives me proof you actually have a job. But the first two? Really? I am not in this to date the beach. I need a face.
- Which brings me to photos with sunglasses on – in ALL of them.
- The world travel photos. These guys make sure they have at least one photo from every single destination. Their albums can be long, really long. Half way there all you want to tell them is, “Dude, I get it. Can we move on now?”
- The kids in these photos is something that bothers me a lot. I would prefer keeping their faces off of dating sites with quite possibly perverts lurking???
- The photos where you can tell the ex has been cropped out. Take some new photos please, will ya?
- Photos with other girls. Lots of other girls. Mmmm…what are you trying to prove here?
- Private messages. These are the bomb. There are the generic ones that you know the guy is sending the same exact message to all the girls and the one liners, “let me take your breath away” or “I would like the chance to be your friend.” But the best one till date was, “you are very attractive and I am aroused by you.”
- Actual dates. I have been to three or four. I am not sure why I went out after the first experience.
- The first guy I met was a complete ass and referred to himself as neighbor guy. Wait, wonder if he turned around and became Amysneighbor? Maybe he was trying to say Malasneighbor but he probably forgot my name. He did say I was very exotic and it is hard to remember exotic names.
- The second guy was really short. But he was very nice which made it harder for me to be so shallow and say no for future dates. But I cannot go out with a guy shorter than me. I just cannot.
- The third had really yellow teeth. I guess I cannot go out with guys who have yellow teeth either. I am actually beginning to find out so much about myself.
- The fourth one I drank a lot of wine. I was bored out of my mind.
- There could have been a fifth one, but when he texted me asking if I liked a man clean shave or a close cut goatee – I cancelled.
- Now you are a lesbian. I mean with these kind of men out there, who would not want to become a lesbian. And chatting with a friend recently, that would probably make our lives much easier anyways. But after having gone through all these men’s profiles, you really get curious to see what the women are doing out there. So one day I decide to do a search for “women looking for other women” and I’m maybe in my second profile when the realization dawns, “shit, when these women see I’ve visited their page they are going to think I’m a lesbian.” I deactivate immediately. Which is sad and so funny at the same time.
There you go, my friends. I am still single and perfectly fine being so. Whatever money I spent on this shit was definitely worth it. And next time you recommend online dating to me, I will not be so loving anymore.
And in case this post encouraged any of you to start online dating you might want to read 5 Data-Backed Tips to Boost Your Online Dating Game and go get yourself a selfie stick because you know you want one.